Say it aint so...

Imagine a continuous mental cycle containing all your deepest and most discreet desires combating for the ultimate death with nothing other than that antagonizing conscious.

Bloody yet clean, the dire match concludes with a drastic decision you often regret in time spent alone with ones thoughts. 

That's what it entails with 'him'. 

Time spent in each others very presence is clean cut as humor soothes each awkward instance; every butterfly. In the company of other's that discreetness is veiled with dense small talk one might associate with an occasional friendship.